Covid may have come and gone but there’s a deadlier virus that infects us early and stays till the end. I call it the virus of “negative self-talk” which creates the human condition of doubt, despair, anger, sadness … and leads to a life less lived. What a waste of a perfectly great life. The practice of Mindfulness has its roots in a valiant attempt to stop these destructive thoughts from being the guiding light into darkness. Instead, the power of mindfulness is to identify, accept and eventually rise above these thoughts.
The virus disappears when it’s ignored into oblivion. So let’s start with a quick self-assessment – how many of these little gems have you uttered?
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “I’m a failure.”
- “Everyone else is better than me.”
- “I’ll never succeed.”
- “I’m not smart/creative/talented enough.”
- “I always mess things up.”
- “No one cares about what I have to say.”
- “I’ll never be able to achieve my goals.”
- “I’m just fooling everyone; they’ll find out I’m a fraud.”
- “I’m too [insert negative attribute] to be loved.”
- “I’ll never be as good as [insert person’s name].”
- “I’m too old/young to make a difference.”
- “I don’t have what it takes to be successful.”
- “I’m always making mistakes.”
- “I’ll never be [insert negative attribute].”
- “I’m not attractive enough.”
- “I’m no one special .”
- “I’ll never be able to change.”
Some days it appears like our entire life is one long inner dialogue into despair, often induced through family, friends, and media programming. One of the constant drills we are taught when we try to deal with our negativity is to change our thoughts, to think positive, and to create a stream of uplifting affirmations.
Perhaps that is not the path to bliss. Perhaps we consider this poem by 13th-century mystic Rumi as the beacon for an answer:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
What a powerful poem that so beautifully teaches us that the only way to thrive is to welcome ALL thoughts with gratitude and as guides for a life well lived. Mindfully welcome each thought as a guest. Relax into observation instead of reaction.
Just observe and in stillness let the words wash over like waves on a beach. In the present moment, they have no power over you. Breathe in, breathe out. Just like the waves. Refocus on the rhythm of your breath, the sensations in your body, and the sounds around you. In the present moment, you are home.
Per Rumi, these thoughts are simply guides.
Another exercise you can embark on is to observe your reaction to these invading thoughts –
– Do you seek a distraction in entertainment
– Do you crave an indulgence such as a drink or food
– Do you yearn for validation through people pleasing
– Do you covet attention in terms of physical beauty via cosmetics and procedures
– Do you chase company or hide in solitude
Mindfulness lets us simply observe and accept these thoughts as guests instead of identifying with them. In doing that we become conscious of our unconscious programmed existence. In that moment we become alive, for the first time, truly living from a place of power where all is possible.
